It’s Been A While…

So when I started this blog, I had great dreams, and everything was going great: I had just submitted a paper which had been accepted to my university’s regional undergraduate journal, I had a paid job with my former university in a somewhat related field (anthropology) and I was looking forward to using my research to construct a project. This blog was going to be a part of it, and also a part of my graduate applications. Unfortunately, as you can see, I made exactly one post in a year’s time (and I just realized I miswrote the time in that last post… it was from 2021, not 2020. Whoops!) and it’s mostly due to feeling like I had to dedicate every waking moment to my graduate applications (even if that wasn’t what happened, far from) so a lot of time was spent staring at the ceiling or sleeping in order to procrastinate. Call it depression, I still managed to get them in on time! And I got myself in to see a therapist after my boyfriend’s goading me into seeing someone. Thankfully, it’s helping. I feel much better about myself, and with the help of the ketamine treatments from my psychiatrist, I’m even starting to walk again! It’s all very exciting. Now, if only I could get back to reading regularly, that would be great. I don’t want to turn to audio books, because it’s such a different experience from the written word, but… I feel it may come to that. Who knows, I might even get to where I can tolerate the sound of a mechanized, AI computer voice and be able to use theory pleeb’s reading/listening plan… (D O U B T F U L)

Future of The Page

Since I’ve Been Gone

I think last time I planned too big. This year I also planned too big: I was going to return to the blog and make it about my adventure turning my BRAND NEW DESKTOP into a Linux computer and learning Linux, Emacs, and Vim. Well, the Dell is currently at Best Buy being repaired because even though I liked EndeavourOS well enough, a couple of weeks into using it, I discovered that maybe I’m just better off keeping it on Windows and using the Windows Subsystem for Linux (WSL) to use things which need Linux, or maybe not even venturing into Emacs and Vim, since just as I was about to give up on buying it at all, Nick Milo of Linking Your Thinking (aka LYT) reached out to former alumni of his workshop to buy his Obsidian App “Flight School” for the outrageous discount of only $1 within the next 10 hours. So I jumped on that, and it’s really gotten me back into seeing what makes Obsidian a great program. And now that people are talking about using it and Logseq together to make their daily notes/journals and to-do lists more effective, I think I’ll really be able to ultra-power myself into…

The lights flicker

“That’s a lie”, says a voice in the shadows. “And what makes you so confident I won’t do better in the future?” I ask. “The past!” it laughs. I turn the lights off and back on

Silence “Much better.”

Okay, fictional interludes aside, it’s important that I be realistic. I do have depression and anxiety, and I struggle with symptoms similar to ADHD. Radical change may happen, but it often happens in bursts, like a sprinter. LIfe isn’t a sprint, though, at least not hopefully. Habits are built through the long haul, not in short bursts. I’ll have to talk to my therapist about how to build habits on my own without just having her as an accountability partner. I won’t always have her. I need to find motivation, within myself or somewhere.

So Here’s the Plan:

I made this blog to post my writing. I haven’t been writing. I ought to start doing that. I also started this to post reading reviews, but I haven’t been reading much. I should get back to that. At the very least, I could post media reviews. I have a whole collection of Criterion Collection films I haven’t even touched, and I ought to watch them. I’m no film theorist, but it would be cool to read some. I actually do have some film theory by Ranciere and I know Deleuze wrote some, so that would be interesting to write about too, even though film isn’t exactly my passion it’s just a hobby. I really enjoy it so I would hate to turn it into a job. And I do need hobbies, because I currently have none except sleeping and watching youtube.

TO DO

1) I need my computer back.

• Gotta see if I need WSL for Emacs

2) I need to finish “Flight School” 3) Get back to studying French and Greek regularly

• Duolingo French
• JACT Reading Greek on Obsidian
• Folio + Larousse on Obsidian